i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
