You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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