First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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