Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
