you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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