I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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