Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
