so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
