hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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