its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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