watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
