Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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