me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
