She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
