Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
