Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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