did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
