dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
