I wish I could punch you in the face.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
