She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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