so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
