i just made my gag reflex go away.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
