I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
