well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
