She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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