I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
