plz talk dirty to me
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
