i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
