somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
