I only kidnapped one of them. chill
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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