you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
