the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Four minutes until I can fart!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
