I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
