the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
