My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
