im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
