The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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