he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
