saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
