I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
