I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
