Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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