I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
