Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
