I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
