If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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