Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
