I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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