It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
