this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
