dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
