Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
