I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
